How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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