You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
