p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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