we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
