theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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