College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
