Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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