Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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