I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
