I wish I could punch you in the face.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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