I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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