she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
