no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
