You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
