I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
