last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
