Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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