if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
