Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
