I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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