well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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