I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
