are you so shy because you have an std?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
