you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
