Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
