is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
