got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
