Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
