I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
