Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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