I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
