the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
