Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
