I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
