I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
