I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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