ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
