who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
