AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
