It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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