were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
