We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
