I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
