Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
