After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
