he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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