ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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