is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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