Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
