Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
