well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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